Winning the game of life can only be about reaching and sustaining happiness, whatever that may mean for you. Surely, there are some things you can’t do based on the laws of the land, or perhaps dictated by your conception of a higher power, but generally speaking we all ought to be pursuing happiness within the limitations of our freedom and/or independence.
You might expect that the haves are by and large much happier than the have-nots, but you’d be wrong. It turns out that study after study reports that the wealthiest nations exhibit higher rates of suicide, mental illness, and alcoholism (and other intrusive dependencies). This coincides with lower child-birth ratios and greater incidence of estranged families and solitary habitation. This marked move toward going it alone or in any case in smaller numbers strikes me as exactly the reason that most of us living in the lap of luxury just can’t seem to find happiness.
Problem #1: Lack of awareness/Lack of effort
It seems to me that most people aren’t even aware that they ought to be focused on how to achieve, or at least approach, happiness. I don’t know if the concept just seems too simplistic, or if there is perhaps a strong negative stigma attached–don’t want to be one of those happy people–but certainly a good percentage of the population in economically thriving nations are not even playing the game. In fact, I suspect that quite a lot of individuals in (over-)developed countries actually get some cynical satisfaction out of finding reasons to be unhappy, or in any case discontented.
Problem #2: Poor communication
Those who are focused on their problems and (to a lesser extent) how to solve them may find themselves talking over and over about the same recurring issues in their lives. Now these people seem to have avoided the pitfalls of Problem #1, and yet they find themselves caught in a tailspin, trying to fight an uphill battle. What are they doing wrong? First, they’re probably talking to anyone who will listen, rather than taking the time to identify individuals who might actually be able to help them. Second, they are not listening when the good advice comes their way. It’s an odd thing about being unhappy, but a great deal of the little satisfaction we do achieve is in the meticulous process of framing our problems for others. Unfortunately, I find that most people are so caught up with presenting their dilemmas in such a way as to paint themselves as infinitely worthy of pity that they are unprepared to absorb the guidance that is there before them for the taking.
It has occurred to me of late that the failure of most people in first-world countries are generally rooted in one or both of the two problems mentioned above. What’s oddly ironic is that most people fail to correct either of the two problems above, which all-too-often leads to:
Problem #3: I got it syndrome
This is a numb state of denial that finds a person spending the better part of her/his adult life pretending to have it (at least mostly) together, tragically preempting the possibility of seeking much needed guidance and support from loved ones and perpetuating the effects of Problem #2.
This I’m a grown-up so I don’t need help from anyone attitude is at the heart of what keeps us isolated and unequipped to achieve true happiness. It’s actually a predictable consequence of the This is a free country and I’ll do as I please attitude, so it’s not terribly surprising in the U.S. and other regions where self-assertion of liberty is the norm.
Not to get all All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten on you, but isn’t this the first thing we are taught about successful interaction with others? Learn to play nice and share. Truth be told: we’d plop our kids in front of a specialist immediately if they exhibited even half the self-alienating, anti-social behavior that we adults do.
My unqualified, unsolicited advice:
Talk to the people who love you about how you might reach greater life fulfilment and what seems to be tripping you up. If you don’t feel you can approach your loved ones or others who might be able to help, fix the situation. Nothing is more important. After all, your happiness–indeed, your livelihood–depend on it.
No one has their sights set on losing the game of life, but that’s exactly what’s in store for anyone not working toward sustainable happiness.
Get on it.
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