Reality on a Stick

Some of you must be wondering, ‘Why so much focus on your dad only? Didn’t your mother ever teach you anything?’ Well, of course she did!

My parents both worked full-time thoughout most of my childhood, but Mom worked 9-5, while Dad was commuting all over LA county, working a manic schedule in order to keep our finances above water.

In the early years, I spent much more time with Mom than with Dad. Having said that, I can’t put my finger on any specific, concrete lessons that Mom set out to teach us. Her approach was much gentler, a more Montessorian or Waldorfian vibe: giving my brother and me the space and environment we needed to remain challenged and engaged. Mom was such a hippie at heart and she taught us of the inherent goodness in life and love, and of the importance of faith. Most of all, though, Mom taught us to be honest; to be true to others and to ourselves. Here’s an example of the kind of broad, intangible maxim Mom tended to guide us with: “If it’s not harming anyone, and it’s what you want to do, then it’s the right thing to do.”

Mom’s maxims were generally about being a compassionate human being. “Nothing you do in this world is worth much, if you can’t learn to be decent.” It’s so true, and yet so difficult to achieve in practice. Most people display dishonest behavior on a regular basis. What’s worse is that most people are also dishonest with themselves–forever losing themselves and/or chasing someone else’s dream. Mom’s always quick to remind you who you are and where you come from. For someone with humility issues like mine, that’s utterly irreplacable.

It’s perhaps unfair to differentiate Mom’s and Dad’s parenting styles so simplistically, but this is how I remember it. I’d like to stress, also, that neither of them had a leg up on the other. On the contrary, their child-rearing styles complemented each other extremely well. The end result for my brother and me was a free but demanding upbringing filled with security and love. Who could ask for anything more?

As I gear up to start a family of my own, I find myself feeling surprisingly prepared for the responsibility. The hardest part for Motoko and me will be learning to complement each other’s parenting style as well as Mom and Pop were able to:-)

To this day, Dad’s mentality shapes my everyday approach to decision-making while Mom’s compassion keeps me focused on who and what I love, how it’s important and why.

I’m still trying to decide whether the final result is incredibly balanced thinking or mild schizophrenia;-)

Thanks for reading.

Steven

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