Comments on: How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/ Skewered bits of what really matters. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:35:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.3 By:   Snooze or Lose: Your child’s future depends on how much sleep s/he’s getting. — Reality on a Stick http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-399   Snooze or Lose: Your child’s future depends on how much sleep s/he’s getting. — Reality on a Stick Wed, 10 Oct 2007 21:00:44 +0000 http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-399 [...] Bronson of New York magazine is at it again. Many of you will recall his riveting article “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise” from earlier this year. In the article, Bronson covered the groundbreaking child psychology [...] […] Bronson of New York magazine is at it again. Many of you will recall his riveting article “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise” from earlier this year. In the article, Bronson covered the groundbreaking child psychology […]

]]> By: realityonastick http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-150 realityonastick Fri, 30 Mar 2007 16:52:09 +0000 http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-150 Thanks for the comments everyone. Having a hectic month at work, so having ait's hard to reply to all of your excellent thoughts, but I certainly appreciate each all contributions:-) Thanks for the comments everyone. Having a hectic month at work, so having ait’s hard to reply to all of your excellent thoughts, but I certainly appreciate each all contributions:-)

]]> By: More on raising smart kids who know how to work hard. « REALITY ON A STICK http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-149 More on raising smart kids who know how to work hard. « REALITY ON A STICK Sat, 24 Mar 2007 18:11:58 +0000 http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-149 [...] 24th, 2007 · No Comments Last week I blogged about Carol Dweck’s research here, but I have to let you all know that thesituationist gave the story a much better treatment than I [...] […] 24th, 2007 · No Comments Last week I blogged about Carol Dweck’s research here, but I have to let you all know that thesituationist gave the story a much better treatment than I […]

]]> By: Marco Polo http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-153 Marco Polo Tue, 20 Mar 2007 12:55:30 +0000 http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-153 Related article <a href="http://www.prometheussociety.org/articles/Outsiders.html" rel="nofollow">The Outsiders</a> Steve Olson (who provided the Outsiders link) also has <a href="http://www.steve-olson.com/understanding-your-intelligence-the-best-resources/" rel="nofollow">a post on intelligence</a> listing a ton of links he's recently bookmarked on the subject. I first came across the idea that praise may not be all good all the time in Mazlish & Faber's wonderful parenting book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1853407054/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-7638978-8384131?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174394627&sr=8-1" rel="nofollow">How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk</a>. They got the idea from their parenting mentor, child psychologist <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haim_Ginott" rel="nofollow">Dr Haim Ginott</a> . The main point I remember was that to <b>describe</b> is generally much more psychologically effective than either praising or blaming. "Dirty clothes belong in the laundry basket" is more effective than "Goddammit! How many times have I told you to...!!" "I see the milk spilled" is more effective than "You clumsy doofus!!", and similarly with describing rather than praising, as <a href="http://missbehaving.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow">Miss Behaving</a> wrote above. Related article The Outsiders

Steve Olson (who provided the Outsiders link) also has a post on intelligence listing a ton of links he’s recently bookmarked on the subject.

I first came across the idea that praise may not be all good all the time in Mazlish & Faber’s wonderful parenting book How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. They got the idea from their parenting mentor, child psychologist Dr Haim Ginott . The main point I remember was that to describe is generally much more psychologically effective than either praising or blaming. “Dirty clothes belong in the laundry basket” is more effective than “Goddammit! How many times have I told you to…!!” “I see the milk spilled” is more effective than “You clumsy doofus!!”, and similarly with describing rather than praising, as Miss Behaving wrote above.

]]> By: Miss Behaving http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-152 Miss Behaving Mon, 19 Mar 2007 10:29:41 +0000 http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-152 Very interesting . I have not read this article but have seen similar stuff about praise before as it comes up a lot in terms of Gentle Discipline (GD). What he says is very true, and I have seen the difference with my own kids. For example, one might show me a picture they drew and if I say ' Oh that's great" they'll probably smile and walk away, but if I say, " I love the way you put the orange and the purple together' they'll stay and tell me why they did it or something and go off and try hard with other colour combos . I love the part though where he talks about how they are gone for much of the day and we want to heap praise on them , that is how we show love, and I think we live in a time when we do not spend enough time with our kids, between school and clubs and all sorts of extra curricular activities. When my brothers and I were kids my Mum was at home and I think she was kind of a natural GD parent because she had the time, she would sit down with us and tell us exactly what we had done well etc. These days, sadly it so much easier to throw out some generic ' super darling' s to pacify as you dash from one task to the next. You bury the deepest parts of yourself in them and they go outside and scatter them to the wind, I want them to love me when they leave the house, so they'll be more gentle with those parts of me they take with them. Very interesting . I have not read this article but have seen similar stuff about praise before as it comes up a lot in terms of Gentle Discipline (GD).
What he says is very true, and I have seen the difference with my own kids. For example, one might show me a picture they drew and if I say ‘ Oh that’s great”
they’ll probably smile and walk away, but if I say, ” I love the way you put the orange and the purple together’ they’ll stay and tell me why they did it or something and go off and try hard with other colour combos .
I love the part though where he talks about how they are gone for much of the day and we want to heap praise on them , that is how we show love, and I think we live in a time when we do not spend enough time with our kids, between school and clubs and all sorts of extra curricular activities. When my brothers and I were kids my Mum was at home and I think she was kind of a natural GD parent because she had the time, she would sit down with us and tell us exactly what we had done well etc. These days, sadly it so much easier to throw out some generic ‘ super darling’ s to pacify as you dash from one task to the next.
You bury the deepest parts of yourself in them and they go outside and scatter them to the wind, I want them to love me when they leave the house, so they’ll be more gentle with those parts of me they take with them.

]]> By: Kelly http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-151 Kelly Sun, 18 Mar 2007 03:27:43 +0000 http://realityonastick.com/2007/03/15/how-not-to-talk-to-your-kids-the-power-of-inverse-praise/#comment-151 Fascinating! Not sure what it means for me...who grew up not knowing I had Mensa-level IQ, believing I was dumb. Fascinating! Not sure what it means for me…who grew up not knowing I had Mensa-level IQ, believing I was dumb.

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